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Valve‘s multiplayer darling Team Fortress 2 got yet another class update this Thursday, and I can quite honestly say this is the first time I’ve ever had the urge to throw a jar of my own waste at someone.

I might have to backpedal momentarily, though, for the unaware: it’s not outrage that’s brought me to this juncture, but instead the fact that Valve has now allowed us to do just that.  After unlocking* Saxton Hale’s patented “Jar-based karate”, players battling teams in fortresses as the sniper class now have the classy option to fling a marmalade jar full of urine at their advesaries.

Dreams do come true!

Player reactions have been kinda varied thus far, from mic hogs getting a good belly laugh about their “piss jars” to bemonocled socialites decrying “Crass humor?  In my Team Fortress!?”  In any case, it’s a bang-up update, and aside from the predictable deluge of spies (notably, they also recieved an update in the patch, but nothing as eyecatching as man-lemonade grenades)  and snipers clogging the pipes of gameplay like so many urine jars, the game is only better for it.  Valve also used the update as an excuse to get a free-to-play weekend out there, so we’ve seen many new and guest players doing the TF two step.

I can’t say having so many cloak-loving spies around for the time being is a such a bad thing anyway.  This weekend marked the first time I’ve donned an eyepatch and fired a grenade at a completely vacant room corner to be subsequently greeted, like a party popper full of people parts, with a shower of spy-limbs and blood.  Happy New Year, you invisible French bastard.  I love you.

In any case, I’m sure as hell looking forward to the day when the Valve weapon-unlocking fairy puts a jar of pee in my stocking.  Now back to pushing tiny carts.

* Valve’s new meaning for the word unlock now encompasses something more along the lines of “you get a random doodad for playing the game for a while“, and not so much, “you get a reward for snagging reasonable/unreasonable achievements, likely on a server for farming them up like so many potatoes.”  The best way out there to get your hands on Saxton Hale’s warm jars for the time being is to get to playing and cross your fingers!  More updates on the new system, which will include trading to facilitate a better spread of items, will hopefully come soon.

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The Other Castle is a blog by video games, for video games. Wait, let me try that again. The Other Castle is a blog by a few nerd friends, about video games. As long as we're entertaining ourselves, there's a good chance somewhere out there, you might be getting a little kick out of reading this, too!

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