To those who are not indoctrinated, Prince of Persian Rug is a game about a fairly lazy tomb raider, and his all powerful female friend who does every bit of the work. Well, at least, that’s how I enjoy playing it.

Using a body-mapped system not too dissimilar to Assassin’s Creed, your four face buttons each correspond to some sort of action, and the context defines what action is performed in combat. Those options are Physical attack, Grab, Acrobatics, and Elika the Destroyer.  See, to make the game accessible, there are no punishments for anything, really. Thus you are capable of spectacularly taking that plunge into corruption, fully confident that your chiseled jaw will live to spout another quip. Your Deus ex Girlfriend machine saves you from everything, from falling, to crushed organs, to hepatitis… without even offering you the option of paying for your folly.

Lets just paint this one out

Shoots lasers
Can purge the holy lands of their destructive corruption

Has a mule, but he can’t find it
Is very good at misjudging distance and falling to his death
Slows down the woman who can teleport
Good moral support

No, wait, he’s also occasionally charming! Plus he gives piggy backs to Elika when she’s tired from saving him. Never the less, in honor of Elika, warrior princess, I have decided to play through the entire game with only the bare, bare, bare base number of times the prince is actually needed in combat. In my game, every boss is felled by me mashing the command Elika, light’s soldier. This becomes a point of comedy, since the prince will yell out “Okay, your turn,” or “now, attack it!”  What a lazy F%#k!